When Should I Step In? Understanding Your Child’s Struggles at School

It’s hard to watch your child struggle. Whether it’s a tricky piece of homework, a fall-out with friends, or a subject that just doesn’t seem to ‘click’, every instinct says: step in, fix it, make it easier.

But what if some struggle is not just okay—what if it’s actually desirable?

Let’s explore two key educational ideas—Desirable Difficulty and Vygotsky’s Zone of Proximal Development (ZPD)—that can help you understand when to intervene, and when to trust the process.

What Is a “Desirable Difficulty”?

Coined by cognitive psychologist Robert Bjork, Desirable Difficulty refers to tasks that feel hard at first, but actually help learning “stick” in the long term. Things like:

• Struggling to recall something before you’re told the answer

• Mixing up different types of problems in practice sessions

• Working something out without being told the steps

These don’t feel effective at the time—but they are. They force the brain to work harder, which strengthens understanding and memory.

So if your child says, “This is really hard!”—that might be exactly where learning is happening.

Enter: The ZPD – Not Too Easy, Not Too Hard

Lev Vygotsky’s concept of the Zone of Proximal Development (ZPD) adds another important layer.

He proposed that there’s a “sweet spot” for learning:

• Tasks too easy don’t stretch your child—they’re already mastered.

• Tasks too hard feel overwhelming—they’re out of reach.

• Tasks in the ZPD are just above what a child can do on their own—but can be achieved with the right kind of support.

Your role as a parent is often to be that support—or to trust that the teacher is.

Struggle Isn’t Always a Sign Something’s Wrong

Here’s the key point:

If a child never struggles, they’re probably not being stretched. But if they’re always struggling, they might need more support.

It’s not about removing all obstacles. It’s about checking whether the obstacle is one they can climb with effort—or one that needs a ladder.

So… When Should You Intervene?

Here’s a simple framework to guide your decision:

✅ Let them wrestle with it if:

• They’re frustrated but still engaged

• They’re making progress, even if it’s slow

• The task is difficult but possible with persistence

• They’re learning from mistakes and refining their approach

🚨 Step in if:

• They’re stuck in confusion and don’t know where to start

• Their confidence is spiralling downwards

• The struggle is creating anxiety, fear, or school avoidance

In these cases, your help is not a shortcut—it’s the scaffold they need to climb.

What Does 'Support' Look Like?

Support doesn’t always mean giving answers. It could be:

• Asking questions to prompt their thinking

• Helping break a task into steps

• Reassuring them that confusion is part of learning

• Reminding them of times they’ve overcome a challenge before

And sometimes? Support means a snack and a break (a walk is always good).

Final Thought

It’s normal to feel uncertain about when to step in. But by understanding how learning works, you can begin to see struggle not as a problem to solve—but as a signal to listen to.

If the struggle is productive, let them build their muscles. If it’s overwhelming, offer a hand.

Either way, you’re showing them that learning isn’t about being perfect—it’s about growing.