Supporting Your Child Emotionally in the Transition to Secondary School

The move to secondary school is a big milestone - exciting but also nerve-wracking for both children and parents. As well as helping with the practicalities, it’s important to provide emotional support to help them feel confident and resilient.

1️⃣ Normalise the Mixed Emotions

• Let your child know that it’s completely normal to feel excited, nervous, or both.

• Share your own experiences of change and how you adapted.

• Avoid dismissing worries with “You’ll be fine!” Instead, acknowledge their concerns and talk them through.

2️⃣ Build Their Confidence in Handling Change

• Remind them of past times they’ve coped well with new situations (e.g., starting primary school, joining a club).

• Focus on their strengths—whether it’s making friends, problem-solving, or staying organised.

• Use positive language about secondary school, framing it as an exciting new chapter.

3️⃣ Encourage Independence in Small Steps

• Get them involved in planning their school routine—setting their alarm, packing their bag, organising their homework.

• Encourage small independent decisions, like choosing their lunch or planning their school journey.

• If they’ll be travelling alone, do some practice runs together to boost confidence.

4️⃣ Reassure Them About Friendships

• Many children worry about making friends. Reassure them that most students feel the same way.

• Help them think of ways to start conversations and join in with new groups.

• If possible, arrange meet-ups with future classmates before term starts.

• Share stories of times you made new friends or changed friendships group.

5️⃣ Keep Conversations Balanced

• Avoid making secondary school seem overwhelming ("You’ll have so much homework!").

• Focus on the positives, like new opportunities, clubs and independence.

• Let them ask questions, but don’t overload them with too much information at once.

6️⃣ Maintain Familiar Routines

• Keep regular meal times, bedtime, and family activities for stability.

• Plan for some downtime—the first few weeks will be mentally and physically tiring.

• Perhaps arrange something to look forward to a couple of weeks into the academic year.

7️⃣ Teach Simple Coping Strategies

• Encourage deep breathing, mindfulness, or journaling to manage stress.

• Teach them to break down worries into “things I can control” and “things I can’t.”

• Identify a trusted adult at school they can go to if they need support.

8️⃣ Be Available Without Pressure

• Some children open up immediately, while others need more time. Be available but don’t push.

• Casual conversations while walking, driving, or doing activities together can feel more natural.

• Linked to the above, try to make time to 'do nothing' and just let the conversation flow.

9️⃣ Monitor but Don’t Micromanage

• Look out for signs of stress, but resist the urge to over-manage.

• If they struggle, problem-solve with them, rather than stepping in to fix everything.

• Remember, struggle and change are key factors in growth and development - we don't want to make everything easy.

🔟 Model a Positive Mindset

• If you appear anxious, they will pick up on it.

• Show that you trust them to handle the transition—your confidence will help them feel secure.

Final Thoughts

This transition is a journey, and children will adjust at their own pace. Your role is to provide reassurance, encouragement, and a listening ear while allowing them to develop independence.